


A Guide to the Casting Out of Demons

by KillClaudio



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Drinking, Exactly What It Says on the Tin, Humor, Lists, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:21:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24455845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillClaudio/pseuds/KillClaudio
Summary: A flawless ten-step plan.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 19





	A Guide to the Casting Out of Demons

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the scene between Shadwell and Aziraphale:
>
>> "Wud he be harder to get rid of than, say, a demon?" asked Shadwell, who had begun to brighten.
>> 
>> "Not much more," said Aziraphale, who had never done other to get rid of demons than to hint to them very strongly that he, Aziraphale, had some work to be getting on with, and wasn't it getting late? And Crowley had always got the hint.

1\. Cough politely and hint to the demon that he’s been here a while and oh my, is it really that late? Doesn’t time fly when you’re having fun?

2\. Strongly suggest that you have important work to be getting on with. The unpleasant damp smells in the bookshop aren't going to create themselves. 

3\. Stand up to get him a glass of water and mention what a lot of Château Margaux that was, and maybe you both need to sober up. 

4\. Do not be distracted into reminiscences about the medieval cantinas of Pontevedra, or date-palm cocktails in Canaan. Otherwise you may forget what you were doing and open another bottle.

5\. Demons can often be cast out by enthusiastic lectures on the most boring books in your collection; early religious tracts, a first edition of Spencer's _Faerie Queene_ , Dan Brown. Take care not to allow him near the _special_ section in the back room. It will give him ideas. 

6\. Suddenly remember an urgent appointment, or a dance class you must attend. Do not allow the demon to dance with you so that you can get some extra practice. He will only practice the ideas he got from the aforementioned books.

7\. When you show him to the door, absolutely do not kiss the demon good night. It will only encourage him to stay. 

8\. On no account are you to get carried away with how lovely the kisses are and drag him back into your bookshop. This is counter-productive. 

9\. Never allow the demon to stay overnight, no matter how much you've both been drinking. Sleeping leads to breakfast, and breakfast leads to lunch at the Criterion, and the Criterion leads to cocktails in the Long Bar. Before you know it, it's the following evening and he's still in your bookshop.

10\. If all else fails, accept that he’s staying forever. Buy a ring.


End file.
